


Liabilities and Compromises

by GoodGuyJean



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Jearmin - Freeform, M/M, Post-Uprising, Pre-shiganshina, canonverse, flangst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-05 22:36:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13397709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoodGuyJean/pseuds/GoodGuyJean
Summary: It's a day like any other day. Jean and Armin are doing chores to assist Historia around her countryside orphanage when Armin asks to speak to Jean about something.





	Liabilities and Compromises

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MirandaFandomette](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MirandaFandomette/gifts).



“Jean? Can we . . . um, can we talk?”

“Uh-huh.” Focused on mucking out a horse stall, Jean didn’t even look up from raking soiled straw. 

“Um, well . . . could you stop for just a second?”

The hitch in Armin’s voice caught Jean’s attention. He couldn’t remember the last time Armin had sounded so unsure of himself. He straightened up.

Armin stood in the doorway to the stall, twisting his hands around the pole of his own rake. His face was red and he was having trouble meeting Jean’s sharp eyes, but there was a stiffness to his shoulders and a determined set to his round jaw.

“What’s wrong?” Jean’s body tensed, abruptly wary. They were alone in the stable. Armin had asked Historia to let him switch tasks with Sasha that morning, claiming that he needed the relative quiet of stable-work to calm a headache. Armin was prone to headaches, so his plea was believable. Certainly Jean had been grateful to have Armin for a work partner instead of Sasha. Armin was efficient, understanding, and even when he was under the weather he made better conversation than Sasha’s inane babble about lunch. Besides, there was a part of Jean that gloated over Armin possibly preferring his company over others. _Even Eren_.

But now Jean wondered if the job-swap had been a ploy for Armin to talk to him alone about whatever was obviously eating at him.

“I need to tell you something.”

“Is it about Eren?”

Jean couldn’t help the question even though it brought a sour taste to his mouth. Lately he and Armin spent a lot time talking over why Eren seemed so listless and drained in recent weeks. As a cadet he had been irrepressible, always pushing himself to the limit to become the best soldier he could be; now he was eerily quiet, always lost in his own thoughts. And the more he withdrew the more Armin watched him. It wasn’t that Jean didn’t worry about Eren; quite the reverse. He had mentioned his concerns to Armin first, wondering if Armin had some particular insights into what was wrong with his childhood best friend. Unfortunately, Armin was at a loss as well although discussing his worries with Jean seemed to help him. But sometimes when they talked about Eren, Jean felt a flicker of his old jealousy--no. It was no longer quite the same childish envy he had nursed as they had trained together and he had dreamed of Mikasa’s beautiful black hair. He felt closer to Armin than anyone else in the military, surer of their fire-forged friendship than any other he’d had in the past, and the relationship that he sometimes imagined for them was simultaneously more elating and frightening. Consequently, the threat Eren posed felt more existential, even as Jean had grown to understand and appreciate Eren more.

To his surprise, Armin shook his head. Jean felt lighter.

“Is it,” he lowered his voice, glancing around him even though he knew rationally that they were alone. “The _dreams_?”

He was sure that nightmares plagued every soldier who saw action, but he and Armin were bonded by a similar set of hauntings. No matter how many lives they ended up taking in this godforsaken titan war, Jean was certain that he and Armin would be dreaming for the rest of their lives about the MP woman Armin had shot to protect him. These visions were personal, something they had decided not to discuss with their comrades or superiors.

“No, it’s not that either, it’s . . .,” Armin steadied himself with a deep breath, but his face grew redder. Jean’s heart sped up, as if in sympathy with Armin’s nervousness. Jean often had such reactions to the stress of others. The sensation was frustrating and even terrifying at times, but also useful. However, he had noticed recently that he reacted particularly strongly to Armin’s moods. He was bizarrely attuned to Armin, and it bothered and intrigued him in equal parts.

“Well, it’s like this.” Armin’s gaze snapped suddenly to Jean’s, holding them both in place. “I think . . . I think it’s obvious that something is . . . _different_ between us, after the Uprising. It’s nothing bad, but it’s a little . . . well unusual. You see, I, um . . . I have a crush on you.”

Jean's mouth opened slightly, but no sound came out. He wanted to say something, _anything_ , but his body suddenly refused to obey him.

Fortunately, he didn’t have to speak yet because Armin rushed on, “It’s risky telling you, I know. I thought you would probably understand though, considering, um, well, some things you’ve said and done. Like that time when you covered for the two guys who almost got caught kissing behind the mess two weeks ago.” He paused here, blinked once, and finally looked away from Jean. The fire in his cheeks was spreading to his ears. Then he continued, but this time he breathlessly addressed the straw-covered floor. “You probably don’t need me to explain that, s-sorry. I just think that emotions are a liability in the field. We both know this peace is only temporary and I don’t want . . . I don’t want to be . . . compromised. So, I’m confessing, because it’s the only way to deal with these feelings. If I don’t admit them, I won’t have any peace.”

Jean looked down and realized that _his_ hands were shaking now. He couldn’t feel them at present; all sensation in his body had been replaced with a light tingling. Armin had a crush on him? _Armin_ had a crush on _him_? It was what Jean had wanted to hear for a long time, but had not believed would actually happen.

“Okay, okay, well I don’t, er, I can’t really. . . I don't know what to say.”

Armin nodded, as if he had expected this reaction, but he was still shaking. “I-it’s okay, I understan—

“I have a crush on you too,” Jean blurted, his face burning.

To his surprise, Armin looked as stunned as Jean felt. He mouthed wordlessly like a river fish and then squeaked out, “Y . . . you do?” 

“I . . . have for a while now.” Jean's mind was starting up again, fitting the pieces of a puzzle into a whole. Many questions now had an answer: why Armin asked him to go walking most nights during their free time after dinner, why Armin always sat with him in the mess hall (though Jean had also noticed that Eren sat on his other side), why Armin seemed reluctant to talk to him about Mikasa recently, even when she came up naturally in conversation.

“Oh, well, I . . . didn’t plan for that, um, possibility,” Armin admitted, somewhat sheepishly. “I thought . . . you wouldn't . . . well, erm, nevermind.” He chewed his lip. “I-if . . . you’re not joking . . . if it’s true . . . I’ll have to think.”

“About liabilities and compromises?” Jean asked, half-joking. The reality of Armin’s confession started to sink in. Armin’s concerns about how their emotions would affect their performance as soldiers tempered his joy.

“Yes, I was trying . . . well, if you had rejected me, it would have been easier.”

Jean couldn’t keep the hurt out of his expression. “Well,” he began, moodily stabbing at the straw with his pitchfork. “I wouldn’t want to be a liability to you.”

He regretted the words even as he muttered them. Armin’s face fell. 

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he whispered. Then he knuckled his forehead. “Dammit! I really need to think!”

“Bet all this is really helping your headache.”  

Armin’s mouth twisted into a bittersweet smile. Jean couldn’t help but return it. What a pair they were!

“I’m . . . I’m going to go back to the other stall now,” Armin informed him, taking a step backwards. “We can talk more about this later, if you want.”

Jean nodded. “I do! If you want to,” he added quickly.

This earned him a warmer smile from Armin, and Jean’s heart pounded again at the sight. “Yes, I do. How about . . . can we talk about it during our walk after dinner?”

“Yeah. I mean, I’d like that.” He always liked it. Today it would be more awkward, and he would be stressed out about what Armin would say, but there was something comforting in their routine. A reminder that their friendship could remain intact even with this new revelation.

“Me too.” Armin turned to make his escape, but then paused and faced Jean again. “Whatever we decide to do about this . . . I don’t regret telling you my feelings.”

“Me neither.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all! I was prompted into this story by the wonderful Mirandafandomette (check out their fics on ao3 and also their art at [tumblr](http://mirandafandomette.tumblr.com/) !), when we somehow got into a discussion about our headcanons for whether Armin or Jean would confess their feelings first. They're firmly in camp Jean, but I said I could see both, so they asked me how Armin might confess . . . and so this story was born! :D
> 
> On another note, I'm sorry I haven't been writing as much and that Copy-Room Romance is gathering dust. I'm stuck and I've been writing and teaching, but I'm not giving up! :) 
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3 I appreciate all comments and kudos!


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